October 24, 2010
Dear Poetry Editor:
Please consider the following poems for your fine journal: “Meditation on Big Brown via Morning Toilet,” “Learning to Swing a Golf Club,” “Writing Teacher,” and “Eugene of Staten Island.” I typed them myself with my hairy knuckled sausage fingers. You will likely find them crude versifications, or if you are the more typically gutless editor, “not what we are looking for.” Of course, you would be wrong. These poems are exactly what you are looking for— you don’t need to expend another molecule of energy making decisions. This submission package has done your work for you!
My poems have previously appeared in The Louisville Review. Additionally I was Playboy Magazine’s “Playmate of the Month” in April, 1993. Also, I was twice voted “Most Valuable Player” by both the National Football League and the National Basketball Association. A Nobel prize-winner in both Literature and Economics, my legal troubles and jet-setting love affairs are the subject of great interest in such reputable publications as People Magazine and National Enquirer. I have also been known to tell a fib or two, but I am honest enough to tell you I have twice appeared in The Louisville Review.
Seriously, don’t make me send these poems to another regional literary journal. Do us all a solid and publish these things already!
Joe Schmidt
1245 S. 4th Street #12
Louisville, KY 40203